Adulthood and Great Deals on Furniture

So these past few weeks have been bloody. My psyche feels absolutely bruised by all the crap that has been thrown around lately. Oh don't get me wrong, ministry is fine and my life is fine. It's just been tough you know?

In the past few weeks every member of my family have been in the hospital. Most notably my sister Cathy who after experiencing Kidney failure has been on dialysis and added to the transplant list. She's getting along and so am I but the entire situation could best be summed up by a question my nephew Logan asked my sister when he got home from school. "So Mom, who went into the hospital today?" Pretty astute for a second grader.

On the other hand I just bought a beautiful armoir at a second hand furniture store that is one of the most beautiful things I could possibly imagine. Follow that with an $1100 coffee table I bought a few days later on sale for $250. What a fantastic deal!!! It has a marble top and must weight at least 80 pounds! However, it has made coming home such an unexpected pleasure you know. I think I might be developing an addiction to buying furniture. It took me ten months to pay for my armoir but now that it is home I want to go out and buy something else.

I also turned 30 in January and it kind of freaked me out. Coming home each day to hand me down furniture that was falling apart made me feel like I was behind my age. You're supposed to have crappy furniture and empty rooms in college. So I am happy to be getting rid of the milkcrates and exchanging them for actual pieces of furniture. It makes me feel like I am at the right place in my life you know?

I am also so proud of my youth group! What a fantastic group of kids! So that is a quick biographical sketch of what's been going on lately.

In my next blog I'll write about a research project I've been doing.

Regular Blogging...

I will make no promises... but I would like to begin blogging regularly again. I miss this world entirely to much. Especially since I think I have gotten the hang of many aspects of my ministry that have thus far eluded me. I am also in a hopeful frame of mind due in no small part to many hours of sleep I have had today. Yesterday I returned from Michigan with the youth group, and today I rested the entire day away. I didn' even do the dishes that have been staring at me for a week. I still feel tired but I know that when I go to bed tonite tomorrow will find me refreshed. So I am hopeful for a day of full energy. Days that have been far to few lately.

Hope is the operative word here though. My sister, Cathy, who is one of my wisest and most wonderful of counselors has been very ill. It has not been in any way easy and does not appear to be letting up. She did return to work today and is out of the hospital but the prognosis isn't good. But I continue to hope...

A couple years ago I had what I described as "The Fullest Lent Ever". This year has been the "Longest Lent Ever". Alot of wilderness and desert lately.

However I have a funny little story that might demonstrate the immutability of hope. I have this cactus that for some reason is not doing well. In fact, I think my dark green thumb has degraded to a black thumb and I'm going to be a plant killer soon. However, even though this cactus looks bad, the other day it flowered. I've never seen a cactus like this flower before and it is helping me to realize that no matter how dark it seems, God,is still here working things out.

So I have hope... that immutable and undying thing that flowers even the desert.

Rewriting my Life

I have never given a sermon I haven't written and rewritten at least five times. My Christmas Eve Sermon got three rewrites before I finally delivered it. Six hours before the service I was rewriting the sermon for the last time. Is it finished yet? I'm still not sure.

My friend Jeana Clark once said that we never finished our papers in seminary, we merely abandoned them. I believe sermons are the same way.

So right now I am in the process of a major rewrite of my life. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I turn 30 next week and find a huge part of my personality unsatisfied and restless. Maybe it has something to do with the new ministry position or the fact that my dog has decided to chew on all my shoes. I don't know. Regardless I am in a season of reconstruction.

This is an odd place to be really - rethinking your theological background and foundations. The things I'm sure of are ten million times more sure (Nicene Creed, Methodistm), but everything else is in flux. The odd thing is that I wonder what people who are in my life now will still be there when I reach the other side of all this. Who will still care and who will write me off as a heretic, a conservative fascist or liberal nutjob? What do I stand to lose or gain in all this rethinking?

It really doesent' matter. I just has to be done. Salve Rex Ioudorum

Bleeding Unexpectedly

Sometimes, in the midst of celebrations
I find myself bleeding.

Long pent-up emotions bubble, pour,
seep to the surface of the skin.

It is only when I see the blood that
I realize I'm in pain,
That I've been wounded

Some scrape while walking
Wome unknown cut from paper or
A carelessly worded comment.

A lonesome wound - the unreflected journey.

How did I get that?
How did I get here?

Carnivale

There is a bowl of fruit on the table
A mask on the chair
Fireworks in the distance
And love--
In the shadows the candles make on the floor

Like hands and bodies
Darkness and light mingle
melting the cracked surface of the walls
Tumbling over the gilded frames, painted faces,
Flesh and Fabric

They are violent lovers these two -
For the joy of one is the death of the other.

New Places

The boxes have yet to be unpacked
and I haven't time to do the dishes.
I cannot yet get used to the light
And the air that smells of water
grasshoppers and lake dwelling fish.

The curtainless windows are unknown to me
the settling sounds of the house are strangers
begging entrace into my consciencness

Still I am not lost here
Though I have not yet found
the rhythm of the days and weeks

I'm home but have not yet found my way home.
I think I'll finally arrive where I'm standing
Tomorrow.

The Genetti

So a few weeks ago I went to Pennsylvania to see the wedding of James and Michelle Wooster. We had a wonderful time. It was like an Asbury reunion and I met a new friend named Mark whom I've kept up correspondence with since last week.

So anyway, on Friday I stayed at this old fashioned and haunted hotel called the Genetti in Williamsport, PA. It was so totally cool. It was late, I was tired, so I went straight to my room and found this welcome letter on my pillow just like you would find at any hotel.

Now usually I don't read these but I read this one because I thought it might have some of the hotel's history... instead, what I got was a benediction. I copy it here so that everyone can read it...

"To our guest -- Because this hotel is a human institution to serve people, and not solely a money making organization, we hope that God will grant you peace and rest while you are under our roof.

May this hotel be you 'second' home. May those you love be near you in thoughts and dreams. Even though we may not get to know you, we hope that you will be comfortable and happy as if you were in your own home.

May the business that brought you our way prosper. May every call you make and every message you receive add to your joy. When you leave, may your journey be safe.

We are all travelers. From 'birth till death' we travel between the eternities. May these days be pleasant for you, profitable for society, helpful for those you meet, and a joy to those who know and love you best."

I remember reading this and thinking... "well... amen." I was utterly floored. I guess I didn't expect that much theological content that late at night. I slept well too... which is unusual for me. All in all... I recommend the Genetti if you're ever in Williamsport.

Upon this Mountain...

So Cathedraldays is on location in North Bend Pennsylvania at the home of my best friend, James Wooster. He's getting married on Saturday to my friend Michelle and I am here to be his best man... (Although my current title is "Awful Man". I worked my way up from "Worst Man". :)My counterpart Erica, "The Maid of Shame", is Michelle's niece.

Anyway, This is my first trip to the mountains of Pennsylvania. It is really quite beautiful here. We've had a wonderful time thus far and tomorrow we are going to the amusement park.

Anyway, James took us on a tour of three of his four churches today. One of which was an absolutely beautiful gothic beauty with 1800''s woodwork and wainscot panelling, Stained glass, stone work, beautiful masonry, an absolute archetectural gem.

Anyway, above are a couple pictures Erica took of Renovo First, the gothic glory, and North Bend, the beautiful white ship on a sea of green mountain.

Hairspray

So, yesterday I went to see the movie "Hairspray" because... well because I love musical theater. It was so much fun! Hilariously funny and I think I have a crush on the girl who played Tracy. Those brown eyes are gorgeous.

The fun thing was everyone in the theater was laughing together. Over and over again, people laughed and chuckled and giggled. And there is something wonderful about that. The last time I heard an audience laugh that hard was when I went to see "Groundhog Day" with my sister.

Music

So, is there anything more wonderful than finding that album or that song that rattles your soul? Oh it has been so long since I've had this experience with anything that calls itself "Christian Music". However, recently, I've uncovered a few bands that absolutely rock.

This leads me to an exposition on what music should be. You see we live in an age where the music has turned into corrupted, prepackaged, hastily produced musical snot. It's about as riveting as a head cold.

Christian musicians however, are much worse about merely mass producing copied sounds than most secular artists are. It's like we find the next popular sound and then steal it without ever bringing any new vitality or validity to it.

Music should be the ultimate sensory experience. It should have no boundaries at all. The entire world of sound should be used to make music as interesting as possible. Every genre, every instrument, every beat and bass line should be experimented with, stirred and mixed together until something completely new is born. Most Christian artists don't want to do the work apparently.

I lament the loss of the Bach like souls who seek out new and interesting sounds. Especially when Christian people are supposed to be the most creative... since they worship a God who created all.

Incarnation Precursors

So, because my inner timing is off lately, and because I my prayer cycles are off kilter and because I am still pretty packed up despite the fact that I have lived at my current location for two months... I thought I might speak about the primary mystery of the Advent/Christmas cycle, the incarnation.

You see the other day I was thinking about the concept of the tabernacle and how astounding it is that God would concede to live in a tent with the rest of Israel. Then it hit me...

In the garden, God wanted to walk along side Adam and Eve...

God had dinner with Abraham...

God wrestled with Jacob...

He let Moses look at him...

He lived in a tent with Israel...

He lived in Solomon's temple...

He became incarnate in Christ...

Is there then something in God that makes him desire to be with his people? More than that, I think that this trend of living with, staying with and coming along side humanity reveals that from the very beginning God was incarnational. He was constantly seeking our companionship and friendship. I think that if we view the movement of scripture we find that the incarnation, though surprising and myterious, actually fits qute well in the arc of the story. Including the return of Christ where the dwelling of God is with men, and he himself will be our Light.

I had never thought of the incarnation in the light of the OT before... any thoughts?

Warsaw and My New Life

Deep Breath...

Again...

Deep Breath...

Again...

Deep Breath...

On June 2nd,2007 I was commissioned a probationary elder in the United Methodist Church. It is hard to describe the feelings I felt, the joy, and the utter relief. I will merely try to capture it all in two brief moments during the worship service.

The first is the Gloria Patri where we all turned from facing forward and faced the cross and I felt small, and insignificant in the midst of a huge accomplishment. It felt so right to be utterly eclipsed, and made small in the face of the cross.

The second moment came after the laying on of hands... I was led to the conference Lay Leader who took my hand and said, "On behalf of the Laity we thank you for answering God's call on your life." It was beautiful.

Then, with conference over I had to return home to pack and spend time at Vacation Bible School at MOntpelier and on June 13, 2007 I moved out of Montpelier to my new house in Warsaw. I was exhausted but I got right to work at Warsaw First and Aldersgate UMC. It was a tough time dealing with all the change and even tougher trying to keep us with my new life... but it was a powerful time.

So these last few weeks have been all about getting to know people, and trying to find my way here... and this week, I took the Youth to camp.

The week was not without it's challenges but it was absolutely beautiful. These are extraordinary young people.

Anyway, I feel full of joy at everything that happened at camp this week. I also feel like I am starting to get on here. It's been a full, difficult and beautiful time.

I had lunch with some parishoners today, and I think I might work out here.

Taking off Before Taking Off

So, Montpelier UMC. It is, a growing, living, breathing, vibrant congregation. This Eastertide, we have had, five new members by transfer, three upcoming baptisms over the next two weeks, our VBS is coming together, we are building a new youth group after an eight year hiatus, the nursery has been renovated, and the finances are stable.

And now, now that hope is sprouting up from the floorboards. Now... I'm leaving. I find myself begging God not to let the momentum die here and that this congregation will continue to take deep breaths of the Spirit and enliven it's heart for ministry. I'm also stressed, about the transition and everything I've got to finish up here.

Still, God is amazing. I am astounded at what he can do.

Having a bad night...

So, I've had an okay day despite the fact that I woke up in a bad mood. However, right now, I'm feeling... well there is no other word for it... Lonely. Ugh. I need something to do. Days have becme a bit monotonous lately. I'm overwhelmed and I have a thousand projects to figure out before I leave Montpelier. More than that I'm overwhelmed with a bunch of paperwork. I need a friend here. Someone to spend some time with... Oh well, tomorrow will be better.

So About That...

So, I was going to write a new poem for every day of Lent. Let's just chalk all this up to the best laid plans of mice and men.

Lent took a few unexpected turns. Things at Montpelier First are going gangbusters... We're starting a youth group, our children's ministries have doubled in size... rooms are beling cleaned out and rennovated the sanctuary is filling up... I have two Baptisms coming up and... I'm moving.

The call came in the middle of Lent and I was offered an appointment. Two appointments in fact. For weeks I couldn't tell anyone and I felt like there was this huge blockade between myself and my congregation. This thing that I could't share with them. The intake meetings, the travel, and now I can finally speak it out loud.

Just when things are taking off here I'm moving to Atwood Indiana to be the Senior Pastor of Aldersgate UMC (1/3 time) and the Youth and Young Adult Pastor at Warsaw First UMC (2/3 time). I'll be on staff at Warsaw first with two other pastors. Its the biggest church I've ever served. Montpelier hasn't had a pastor assigned yet but I'm sure that will come any day now.

Regardless my days have been spent rediscovering my inner youth guy. It's been a few years since I've done youth ministry. I'm excited about the new possibilities and overwhelmed at the same time. Warsaw also has an arts district and a playhouse. I can grow a few more skills there for a future art ministry.

More than that I am happy the Montpelier is filling with hope and I wanted to share the most important thing I've learned here.

I've learned that the biggest part of ministry has nothing to do with me and everything about God. I look around and find I've done so little and can only point towards God. It's his work. Completely and totally.

Not a bad lesson... in the meantime... until the day I move from my house... I am committed to Montpelier. Although it is quite painful that they have already begun the process of pulling away from me.

Lent- Day 9

Upon this mountain
On these stones

On seashore
Field and vale

Forest, Fountain
Hills and Field

I declare that I am loved.

On this planet,
On these oceans

Volcano, magma
Shifting Earth

Orbit, moon
Solestial Voyager

I declare that I am loved.

In this smattering of starlight
On Galaxys tilted wonder

In the clash of planets moving
Stars escaping dust and ring.

In this universe of distance
Darkness light and Energy

I declare that I am Loved.

Lent - Day 8

Sinai

Upon this mountain
On these stones
The Hand of God Hovers
Etching Law from Chaos

Not A Burden
But a Blessing
Not a Darkness
But a Flame

Carry these Commanments
Share these Words
Build my People
Bless this World

Lent - Day 7

Promethius

Fire for Mortals
Clay for the Gods
Sculptured Fear
And Secrecy

Devoured by Sunset
Bounded Sacrifice
Punished Messiah
Suffering Savior

All for the sake of Light

Lent - Day Six

I thirst in this desert place looking for experience of God. Seeking among the stones and temple mounts a place to stand and proclaim my reality. I desire divinity all my own, a power and my own dominion. In this state I am given only graveyards to rule.

I would not last forty days in wilderness alone as I am only barely living now.

Lent - Day Five

Church - Haiku

The Organ Plays On
The Congregants Drone Joyless
Their Song is Still Heard

Lent - Day Four

"My father was a wandering aramean..." - Deuteronomy 26:5

My father
Working Man
Steam and Coal
Built our World On Hardwork and Humor
Gathered us under his provision
Held us strong
In arms that never knew "Father"

One of ten
His Father never lasted
Long enough to see him
As a man any man would want to be

My father
Built our World on Hardwork and Humor

Lent - Day Three

Road Weary

"Rage, rage against the dying of the light." - Dylan Thomas

Close of day
Sunset
Diminish - Breathe -
Cold stars and twilight

Rage not at the end of the day
But all through.

Lent - Day Two

Today I went to a required continuing education event in Kokomo. "Defining Pastoral Boundaries" all about sexual harassment and misconduct. I feel tired and really slimy now that it's over. I don't know why. So here is a poem about sexuality.

Profound

When we reach up to
To push through
To make our way into intimacy
Coupled and Trusting
We find bodies are enigmas
Puzzles to solve

We manipulate
Feel the pieces
Discern pictures
In sound and heat
We try to find
Pattern, Rhythm
Seeking answers
To secret questions.

Ash Wednesday -

So, today is Ash Wednesday and we are beginning our journey towards towards Easter. So this year for my Lenten discipline I will be writing a new poem every day of Lent and Posting it here. On days I'm away from my computer I will still write a poem and post here the day after.

Invocation:

It is a small small thing
Death
It is a little thing
Mortality
So little and so much can fell them
So strong and weak can overcome
So simple so profound may know them

Paradise in Ashes
Heaven in Oil
Blaring Paradoxes Side by Side
Strange Companions on a Journey Upward.

Football Fan

So I never considered football to be all that much fun. Until I watched the recent Colts/New England AFC Championship game. Then I was hooked.

I always told people I favored the Colts, and I never swerved... but I can't say I paid much attention one way or another. However, the NE/Colts game was so exciting I spent the days leading up to the Superbowl reading the Colts Website.

So I think in just a couple games I became a football fan. This is quite surprising really. I'm a poet, an artist, and football fan. People really do change.

January 6th

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEE!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEE!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SOMEONE FANTASTIC!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEE!

AND MANY MORE!

Lonelygirl15

So, I have a new interest that began a few weeks ago. I like millions before me have become interested in the continuing fictional saga of Lonelygirl15 and her compatriots. YouTube, the new forum for online creativity and derision. A place where people can come and create, and others can then mock what has been created.

BOOM Interviews

So earlier this month I had my Board of Ordained Ministry Interviews. It went really well and I am headed toward commissioning. As the interviews approached I got really really anxious and nervous. I thought back to when I began the process in the Winter of 2005... and realized... I've been headed towards this interview... for 11 years.

Eleven years of work come down to one hour in a room with strangers. People who know me only by what is written in my examination questions. Now that I have passed the interview, the rest of my life seems to stretch in front of me... I begin to wonder.

What's next? I still don't have an answer to that question... so this Christmas... I'm looking for a guiding star, to lead me to where the savior waits. This is quite exciting don't you think???

I wanted to do this again.

IPod
Instructions: Go to your iPod and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

How does the world see you?
Till We Reach that Day - From Ragtime

Will I have a happy life?
Happiness Hotel - The Muppet Album

What do my friends really think of me?
The Solid Rock - Passion Hymns

Do girls have secret crushes on me?
Carnival Town - Norah Jones

How can I make myself happy?
Socializing - Italian for Travelers

What should I do with my life?
Come to the Table - Michael Card

Will I ever have children?
Wheels of a Dream - Ragtime

What is some good advice for me?
Call to Arms - The Insyderz

How will I be remembered?
Joyous Light - Passion Hymns

What is my signature dance song?
Back to you - John Mayer

What do I think my current theme song is?
Harry's Wondrous World - Harry Potter Soundrrack

What song will play at my funeral?
Your Fault - Into the Woods

What type of women do I like?
I've got you under my skin - Michael Buble

What is my day going to be like?
Sing, Sing, Sing - Swing: The Lee-Press On Nails

Light one Candle... Christ is Coming

So, we are in pre-advent launch. I keep staring at my advent wreath and its lovely candles, admiring my Christmas tree... and thinking... how exciting it is, that Christ is coming. That is one of the amazing early themes in Advent. Christ is coming... he's coming to set everything right, both in a memorial sense (Nativity) and in a eschatological sense (Second Coming).

So this Advent I want Jesus to change my life in new ways. I want my eyes to turn to him and leave behind forever the "glamor of sin". I want to adore him.

Adoration, is such a beautiful word. An even more beautiful act... I wonder what form my adoration will take this year? What does adoration look like?

You may not understand this post right now... but you will.

About Fantasy...

So, yesterday was halloween and our church sponsors a "Trick or Treat Night". (No letters please... for most of us its a cultural holiday and nothing more.) Kids come in, get a glow bracelet, a bag of candy and have thier picture taken. The picture is sent to the kids after halloween. So, my friend Christy dressed up like a pilgrim, we had a crusader, a monk, and Julius Ceasar. You know who I dressed up as? A wizard from Harry Potter (Again, no lettes). I even have a pretend wand (I mean it no letters. God is not going to put the smack down on me for reading a fiction book.)

The event was alot of fun for all of us and I am always amazed to see what kids come up with for halloween. There is something about being released to wear a costume... If you could be anything... what would it be?

I dressed as a wizard... because I love the idea of magical worlds and adventure. Ever since I was a child I remember playing out imagination.I used to pretend I was in Narnia, and that Aslan would always be there to save me. Even today in my flights of fancy I can imagine a thousand scenarios and stories of castles, wizards and magic. I also imagine what it would be like to be on the stage again...

So tell me... what do our dreams and fantasy lives say about us?

My Desk...

Okay, so it's 11:30 at night, and I am bored and suffering yet another bout with insomnia... so I decided to clean my desk in my study at the church. Let me tell you... filling out all that ordination paperwork, doctrine books, papers upon papers... all piling up on my desk... I forgot what color my desktop is. It is absolutely unbelieveable.

My friend James says that if you want to know his state of mind... look at his room. Is it clean? If so, everything is okay. Looking at my desk, I am becoming okay again. As i clean off the surface I feel less and less burdened.

Another friend, JD says that all of life can be understood through scraps... here are a few of mine...


ARTIFACT #1 - Pak-a-sak receipt $2.27 Donut and Diet Coke

ARTIFACT #2 - "Welcome to Preschool" Letter

ARTIFACT #3 - "Doctrinal Examination Question" Describe your personal experience of God..."

ARTIFACT #4 - "108 Wildwood Court" scrawled on a post-it. No idea what city or who lives there.

ARTIFACT #5 - HYMN "I know my Redeemer Lives"

Do you have any ideas how many layers I had to get through to get to this hymn? There it was among the bottle caps and papers...

It feels good to clean.

I Think My God Beautiful

Brushstroke on canvas
Sound Blessing Air
Light Sings Voices Shine
Trembling Leaves
Dancing Roots
Curve, Line, and Color
Sound, Smell, Taste, and Wonder

Wander Aloud Over Syllables Apples
Stone Sour Sweet Tonalities
Soul Light Awe Going Graces

The purpose of my living - Beauty

Finding my Way

I painted something today. It was a tree that sits outside my friends and parishoners Patty and Ralph's farmhouse. It is a huge tree, unimpeded by power lines it is curled and tall... so I wanted to paint it.

I got alot of interesting things on the canvas. I did a good job of demonstrating structure and I love the way everything bends. However there is a problem.

It's the colors. I used purple for the tree on a blue midnight kind of background... then I used orange and yellow to make the details on the tree and the leaves are green. The problem, the purple and orange make it look spooky. Like a halloween tree in children's book.

I'm going to fix it... but in the meantime... I find this a wonderful metaphor for my life right now. It's right and yet so wrong at the same time. It works and it doesn't. I don't know how this tree should grow.

PS I'll post a picture of the tree later.

Haiku - Bleed

Sail across the strings
How the bow rips painful stripes
sound slashes the air

Friday Night in Montpelier

So it's Friday Night in Montpelier. Tonite we had a "Meet The Parents Night" for our preschool program from 5-7. I of course attended and met lots of cool kids and their parents. When it was over... I went home, ordered a pizza and watched four episodes of "Louis and Clark" on DVD (Thank you Netflix). Whoever told Dean Cain he can act? And Teri Hatcher is still playing the same role on Desperate Housewives. I can tell even from camera angles that neither one was chosen for their acting ability.

I say all this because I want to make one thing clear. This is not my idea of a cool Friday Night. In fact, I remember a time when I studied all day and then spent almost the whole weekend with my friends. Movies, art museums, plays, even hanging out at home was the coolest thing ever. Not so lately. I miss community.

The people of this town and church are so wonderful. This church is filled with loving folks. The problem is not the church, the town, or it's people. Also, one does not need to go out every weekend in order to have full life. It's just that so many weekends, and weekdays have been spent alone. Days filled with ministry and papers, and work but no deep conversation. There are no soul friends here and one can only do so much reading.

Ugh... feeling sorry for myself. I'll stop.

So I went to a movie and...

So I went to see that new movie "Step Up" and it was exactly what I thought it would be. Boy from wrong side of the tracks meets girl with opportunities, they change one anothers lives, fall in love, they fall apart, something bad happens, they come back together just in time for a huge showstopping number to end the show... and they all live happily ever after.

Check out this line from USA Today film critic Steve Bowles:

"Step Up dips from the well that seems to feed all Hollywood dance films: forbidden love between a roughneck boy and a repressed girl, drawn together by their common desire to shake their rumps."

But you don't go to this movie for the story since the story is incredibly corny; you go to watch people dance. I enjoyed it. It was fun.

However, on my way home my mind kept turning toward one thing with a singular and powerful focus. Though I was almost twenty miles from home I could see, suspended in the road above me one thing that seemed to get more and more real as I got closer to home. My thoughts were pointed like an arrow toward a blue case leaning against the wall of my prayer room. Where it has sat since the day I moved in...with broken pegs and in need of new strings my thoughts were concentrated on my violin... Giovanni.

ONe thing I can say about my musical ability on the violin is that so far as the world is concerned I'm not very good. In fact, if I could do my life over again I would have started the violin earlier, rather than after college. I would have studied music and art, and would have gotten a BFA degree. Now, as I seek to integrate the Fine Arts and Theology, I find myself lacking certain skills.

As I was thinking about all this I became aware of God's presence as he said: You once read "With Christ in the School of Prayer... correct? If I can teach you the eternal work of prayer, why then do you assume that I cannot teach you art history, and music, and painting? I have given you this time to fill you life and gain the skills you need. Leave it to me to bring people into your life to teach you the things you need to know."

So tomorrow, in an effort to no longer neglect the work God would have me do... I'm going to have my violin repaired.

(PS... I just completed another painting... I'll post it soon.)

Stigmata

If I could
I would feel in my own flesh
what he did:
Hands tearing in empathy--
Thirsting for a people too drunk
To realize their drought
Weeping for a people to
Jubilant to feel their sadness

Somehow within his passion
Would be feeling more for those around me
Somehow by looking at them from the cross
Through tears I might see them truly.
Crying that they might be found.

In feeling his isolation
I might understand those distant from God.
I might see more of God from from such a perch
Heat, blood, lonely, breath,
Drowning in the midday sun.

If I could be that,
If I could see there,
Then I would not sin.

The Marriage of Jesus - The Ultimate Oppression

So lately I've been thinking about what it might mean if the DaVainci Code wasn't a work of fiction. What if Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married?

Now, let's try this out in several theological constructs. Imagine if Jesus wasn't divine... imagine if he was just a man. It is clear, even if he were just human, that the gospels portray him as the Messiah. The annointed one of God. Now imagine if this annointed one this Messiah got married. His wife, in this case Mary Magdeline, would be married to teh one who was to reestablish David's Throne and wrest Israel from the hands of it's oppressors. Now... this means, that anytime Mary decided to disagree with her husband, she would be disagreeing with the Messiah, with God's purposes, with Israels salvation. This is not marriage, this is oppression.

Now let's try this out as a Christian. Jesus being both human and divine, one with the Father, and part of the triune God. God, the creator of all things, first creates Mary Magdalene to be Jesus wife. Remembering how far above us God is the very thought of immortal God marrying a mortal human being is almost beastial and/or incestuous. Further, it would almost be like a human being creating a robot to supply their needs.

However, imagine now what it might be like for Jesus and Mary Magdalene in their marriage. In this scenario every time Mary Magdalene disagreed with her husband, every time she got angry with him, she would be committing a sin. Further, anytime she wasn't wanted, Jesus by his almighty power could mirculously silence her or send her away. The difference in power is just too extreme for such a marriage to ever be healthy. Further it paints a rather sickening picture of God creating a woman to satisfy his own needs.

Just a few thoughts...

Ordinary Piety

(Inspired by Vespers a few nights ago... I wanted to write this poem.)

Underneath my robes
I wear blue jeans
Wishing my feet were bare
Wanting to be a Hippy
High Church sensibilities

In my soul, dreadlocks
My words - wings
Maybe a tatoo
Definitely tie dye
Long hair given
Lyrical soul
Chant and Evensong
Guitar Solo

Raging inside me
Another person
Bashing Free
Headed to the altar
Ordinary Piety

Happy Feast Day

So, I am heading back to Minnesota for a wonderful wonderful yearly retreat with my Benedictine Oblate Brothers and Sisters. Once a year I go to Minnesota to pray and spend time at Saint Brigid of Kildare Monastery. If you click the link above you will find a copy of the Abby Banner from Saint Johns abby from Spring of 2001. Look on page 14 and you will find a story detailing the hisotry of Saint Brigids as a Methodist-Benedictine Monastry.

So anyway, next week we will be celebrating the Feast of Saint Benedict and having our yearly retreat. I won't be around computers so I won't be able to blog about it... but still I am very excited. Talk to you guys soon.

Michelangelo

You've Got to Have a Dream

So I'm reading a book called "You've Got to Have a Dream: The Message of the Musical" by Ian Bradley. It makes me ache to be in musical theater again... it has been far far too long.

Anyway, I was taken aback by the thesis of this book so I thought I might present it here for discussion with whomever reads my blog. "My Thesis in this book is that the musical, and especially in the modern musical, has a significant theological content and spiritual dimension and provides for many people an experience which can genuinely described as religious as well as entertaining."

Oddly enough I have very little problem with this thesis because I know musical theater. When you place human existence into musical form it carries a double emotional impact that cannot help but transformative. The thoughs emotions and beliefes are transformed into musical form and are therefore twice as prevalent. Beyond emotion though, musicals grow out of the theological worldviews of their writeres andso even when God is absent from the plot the writers beliefs about God are present in the music and lyrics.

What do you guys think? Don't be afraid to post!!

The Birth of the Imagination...

So a recent thought came to me... Look at this text from Genesis 2:19

Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name.

Creation was brand new and the first thing God asked of Adam, was to delightfully use his creativity. I imagine it in my mind like this. As God show adam everything in the garden he seems to say:

"Conceive Adam, imagine, what is it's name? Tell me what it makes you think of? What symbol, what prescence does it have? Dream Adam, what is it's name."

The birth of humanity is quickly followed by the birth of imagination and creative thought. the song that brought forth stars was still ringing in the universe when God turns to Adam and asks him to imagine. More than that, Adams creative power was sancitifed by God in that, whatever he imagined it would be called, that was it's name.

Now it is up to parents to name their children. The creative capacity continues not just at birth but throughout a child's life as it is up to parents to write upon their children their identity. Parents who take this role seriously dream and write hope into their children. Others fail in doing this and write depair into their lives.

What would we have been had we not fallen? Where would our imagination have taken us? Where would our children be, if we say them with undimmed eyes, and had the capacity to write hope perfectly into their lives?

A Thousand Rainbows

So lately I've been having the most productive week of my professional life. I walk the corridors of this little church and it feels full of life and vitality. People are serving, children are learning, we are brimming with life. This is the gift to the church, Vacation Bible School. My church hasn't done a VBS program in over ten years, and now we have rooms filled with children learning and hearing the message. Everyone says it is a success. Children are telling thier friends, and all of a sudden I know we'll be alright.

The children have started making thier own VBS posters each day and bringing them in, today, a young girl brought in a poster that reduces me to tears it is so beautiful...

it has a rainbow on it and reads, "My love for Jesus is bigger than a 1000 rainbows."

Tonite we had a banquet, our church was happy, tired and filled with joy to be together. It felt like family, comfortable, and loving. Even husbands and folks who never come to church were having a good time.

This Sunday is VBS celebration...I'm hoping that our church will be filled with life and vitality still. I pray that it will continue as we stumble to our feet and start to again run the race that has been set out for us.

Pray for us as we try to create sustainable ministries to continue our growth. Pray for us in the changes that are likely to come now that the ball is rolling... God has done alot in our church... he loves for us is bigger than a billion rainbows.

Art and Theology Foundational Understanding: Literature

When God began to create the heaven and earth he did so by speaking. He speaks and things suddenly come into exsistence. There have been many who say that God did not merely speak but sang creation into existance citing Job 38. Such a claim is not surprising considering the sing song quality of these verses. The chapter practically breathes as we read it... "and there was evening (inhale) and there was morning (exhale) the first day." We don't even get through the first chapter before we begin to see the first few lines of poetry. The Bible is so filled with poetry in fact, that I will speak more on poetry and spirituality later. This particular literary exploration is about narrative, prose, and story.

Though the Bible contains lists and instructions, primarily it is a literary work filled with stories. This is embarassing to many in today's culture who want to rape the texts and take from it a few life lessions to carry along with them. Lessons that support their lifesytle, and promote their own goal of self-actualization. We almost wish God had given us a list rather than a story. (Note our current fixation with the ten commandments. Why this list among the allof others that Yahweh commanded?)

Story however is not clean and neat, but is instead suprising and subversive. Have you ever read a book or watched a movie and wanted to tell the characters, "Don't go in there!" "Don't do it!" "Hey stupid, he loves you... can't you see that?" Stories have a way of engaging whole persons in ways that other forms do not.

Story also allows for relationship. When we encounter characters in stories we can find our ways into relationship with the characters. We can tell who we love, and who we despise. We can identify or be horrified by characters. In comparison, when was the last time you felt special affinity for a list of principles?

I often imagine myself within stories. I imagine myself with Harry Potter giving him advice. I rejoiced with him when he finally kissed Jenny Weasley. I cried over Dumbledore.

I have also wrestled with the angel (still am wrestling in fact). I have cried with Hannah, and I have played the harp with David. Sotries are invitations to walk with the writer. Through the characters and chronicles you begin to see the author... and that is true of God as well.

in scripture this takes on an even higher dimension. We begin to see in as the author of not just a book, but history itself. More Later...

Beloved

Dearly Beloved, Child of God
I take my leave of you.

I rise, I ascend, I walk
Cloudways and windswept
Air and Sunlight
Dappled misted raindrops
Annointed surround me
Goodbye and remember...

Remember quietly dear one
Remember calmly blessed
Remember loudly broken
Remember soundly healed
Remember lions, cups and horses,
Table, Ring, and Stone.
Remember fairy tales and heroes,
Remember river, blood and bone.

Remember to Remember,
For I am going home,
Remember though I'm going,
You will never be alone.



--Michael Lawson Asension 2006
Okay, so maybe it won't win any awards but, I still like it.

I hate excercise...

So check out this link...

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/05/17/jumbo.treadmill.ap/index.html

This link reminds me that I am not alone. I am not the only person who hates the stationary bicycle. I am not the only soul who cannot abide the dumbell. My Weight Watchers leader is so good at reminding us to find an excercise that we enjoy. I haven't found one yet.

So I am asking advice. What is fun for all my six or seven readers? (If I'm lucky). Reminding you that I will never play golf and don't look good in a swimsuit what would all of you recommend?

The Lego Cathedral

Check out this link... it's amazing.

http://www.joe-ks.com/archives_nov2004/LegoChurch.htm

About David Blaine - A Rant

I don't care. Let me just begin by saying I just don't care. I don't care if he wants to sit in a box suspended above the Thames. I don't care if he wants to stand a pillar for three weeks. I don't care if he wants to be buried alive, set on fire, pushed into a coke bottle, or hung by a string. I don't care what he does...

Therefore I certainly didn't care when he sat in snowglobe for a week. I cared even less when he wanted to hold his breath underwater. What's next Davy? You gonna do a cannonball?

Hey David here's some advice: You're a magician... do a magic trick! Make something disappear, fly, hover, levitate... even a rabbit out of a hat would have a nice retro feel to it but stop it with the attention seeking boring ass "tests of human endurance." You want to test your endurance? Train for the Ecochallenge! Try the Tour De' France but stop wasting our time with your lame publicity stunts.


Butthead!

IPod

Instructions: Go to your iPod and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question.

How does the world see you?
The Real Slim Shady - Eminem (Clean Version)

Will I have a happy life?
Finale - Pippen:His Life and Times

What do my friends really think of me?
When This all Began - Jeckly and Hyde

Do girls have secret crushes on me?
King of Glory - Chris Tomlin

How can I make myself happy?
I'm Gonna Always Love You - The Muppet Show

What should I do with my life?
The Boys - Big River

Will I ever have children?
No Such Thing - John Mayer

What is some good advice for me?
Call to Arms - The Insyderz

How will I be remembered?
And Can it Be? -

What is my signature dance song?
Hampster Party - Hampton the Hampster

What do I think my current theme song is?
Fascade - Jeckle and Hyde

What song will play at my funeral?
Pandora's Box - The OC Supertones

What type of women do I like?
Joyful, Joyful, We Adore Thee - Passion

What is my day going to be like?
How Deep the Father's Love for us? - Resurrection Dance (Instrumental)

Love Like a Jane Austen Novel

I want a love just like a Jane Austen Novel
Give me page after page of breathless expectation
Give me a torrid longing that rages underneath the
Smooth pleated folds of civility.
I want the kind of jungle heat thats too intense to speak of
The kind that will not be quenched in the constant downpour of puritanical politeness
The kind of reckless love that makes lofty and humble alike.
Give me a love just like a Jane Austen Novel

I think I want to live in that place between the covers
In that place before the happy marriage and after that first confession of passion
I want to live uncertainty as we consider how we can be together
All the while drowing in love both pure and unconventional.
Give me a love just like a Jane Austen Novel.

Give me a love that is so incomprehensibly quiet, so remarkably hidden
It exists only in sidelong glances and a half smile upon the lips.
Give me a love so powerful that all it needs is one kiss to confirm the existence of eternity
Because you know the story will exist forever, the souls intertwined as they realize that
Love with no compromise is no love at all-
That class and culture are not near the gift that love is-
That when all is said and done the most beautiful to be shared
is devotion.
Give me a love just like a Jane Austen Novel

Dance

"Dance"
Acrylic on Canvas

Okay, so here it is, what I dread writing. This is a painting of a body in freedom. It makes me happy and makes me ask the question: "Is he merely dancing or is he flying?" Personally I feel heavy most of the time... When you have a weight problem, most of the time you don't have a spring in your step. When I was at Asbury we had this ramp leading down into the chapel and the chapel office and I dreaded walking down it alone because you could always hear this thump thump thump as your feet hit the floor. Now this happens with everyone but with a weight problem it feels like it my thuds and thumps are louder than other peoples. I had this insane worry that it was echoing down the hall behind me. It's just my imagination but still this picture points to a body completely unashamed. I have been continuing to lose weight since I left seminary, in fact tonite I have a Weight Watcher's meeting. It is going well. In many ways this painting points forward to something I have only glimpsed. I like how my friend Isaac Hopper put it:

Understanding that I see this with eyes irrevocably changed by an intense and ongoing encounter with the Christ of salvation, I see such tragic beauty in this piece that I can hardly contain myself. I see in the dancer a life that has been freed to become the Father's joy. He explodes with motion as he expresses the joy he feels at the warm embrace of the Father. He does so against a backdrop of sacrificial love - the blood of Christ. It envelops him, holds him, suspends him in his eternal dance.

Hmmm... well put Isaac... I didn't know why this painting made me so happy until you said that.

Poet Warrior

"Poet Warrior"
Medium: Acrylic on Canvas

"The poet warrior is not afraid to bleed. A poet warrior knows it is not a sign of weakness but a sign of compassion that the world need not struggle on it's own. Poet's struggle."

Francis de Sales - In my own words

Hey here is a quote from Francis de Sales that I got from a Maxie Dunnam book:

"We must begin with a strong and constant resolution to give ourselves wholly to God, professing to Him, in a tender, loving manner, from the bottom of our hearts, that we intend to be His without any reserve, and then we must often go back and renew this same resolution. "

In my own words, this same quote looks like this:

"First thing's first, with vigilience and single-mindedness I must give my complete self, cobwebs and all, to God, writing poetry to him with utmost love and tender devotion, from the depths of my soul, holding nothing back, constantly over and over again, like a litany."

My Advanced Degree Choice

You Should Get a MFA (Masters of Fine Arts)

You're a blooming artistic talent, even if you aren't quite convinced. You'd make an incredible artist, photographer, or film maker.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

I Forgot The Rivers Name

Somewhere in the middle way I forgot the River's Name.
Somewhere on the journey, I forgot that first sweet taste.
The sound of waters gushing, the sound of driplets fall,
The suffocating glory, of the newborn babies call.

Somewhere in the pursuit of dignity I forgot humility.
I turned my eyes to fallen things, so that I cannot see.
I forgot the spray of water, I forgot the blood born pain.
Somewhere I forgot it, I forgot the River's Name.

Damnation kills creation, imagination stands condemned.
Paint and tone, and poet's voice, and art and light are dimmed.
In lurid dark and gravestone, in pain and storied fear,
Cheapened hope and promise, are swallowed in His tears.

I forgot the River's name, the tears that from Him flow.
I forgot the River's name, that saints and seers know.
Among them a centurian, a virgin, and a whore.
Turn and cry and weep for me - "Go and sin no more."

This was my first Lenten reflection. March 5, 2006.

Chocolate Covered Wisdom

So the other day I had one of those Dove Chocolates with the blue wrapper, the kind with a little proverb set inside of it. The proverd read: "Listen to your heartbeat, and dance!"

The statement made me so happy I put it in my poetry journal to keep. It's subjective I know but to me this proverb speaks about recognizing the fact that life is a gift, and living it fully. I have mentioned many times Saint Benedict's similar statement to "Keep death daily before your eyes" not as a kind of morbid fascination with death but instead to realize the intensity of life.

Have you considered how those last few moments in the garden must have felt for Jesus? These were his last moments of qiet breath and solitude before embarking on the final leg of the journey. The final task that would see the darkness of the universe bound, and the hope of communion rekindled.

Imagine for a moment what it must have been like for the the Source of all life to experience death!!! A God who never desired death immersing himself in the darkness of humanity. Just like a dancer waiting in the wings the most Holy Trinity waited until the appointed and right time to clothe the Eternal Word in humanity, then to wait until the time of baptism to begin the hard work of ministry, then to the wait in the garden to begin that last work of redemption, then to wait in death to restore the order of the universe and pave the future with a promised return.

I too am waiting and find myself situated in the childhood of Christ, years before the world heard from him he was still seeking and serving. Lead me Lord to follow in his example. Lead me not to ask, what am I waiting for?

Reconnecting With Myself

what is it about Asbury the helps me to reconnect me with the important things... Why haven't posted on this blog for awhile... What happened to the place that the fine arts held in my life? Why has Indianapolis just opened it's new museaum months ago and I still haven't gone? Why does my violin sit broken and unused in the corner? Why have my sermons been free of beautiful language and poetry and filled with information and fascinating facts...

What happened?

I must stop this trend before it explodes. I want more from my life than this. To quote Dr. Phil:

"I want (prounounced wont) you to be the star of your own life."

And I agree, I want more poetry, artistry, meditation, and creativity... Asbury has reconnected me with all those things that God has ordained to mark my life. I was afraid this would happen, and it did.

But no more... observe this new prayer for a new day...

O Lord my God,
Ignite my heart with mystery--wash my soul with light, annoint my head with hope--push down upon me the crown of repentence and pierce my hands and feet with the marvelous grace of humility. Place me in the tomb of solitude and burst the doors with the life of the Gospel. Immerse me fully in the story of Jesus Christ. Refine me thoroughly with the warm fire of the Holy Spirit. Surround me with such presence that when people see me, or hear my voice they will exclaim... "He is Abba's Child." AMEN.

Legacy

A Song, a moon, a melody, a harp of ten strings
A poem of renaissance glory, of Pallas Athena fame.
A star in eastern skylines, a prophesy in tongues
Scrying through the crystal oceans... looking for a home.

Cutting through the mountains, wretching gashes in the earth
We are searching for a memory,
To tell us who we were.

Finding sense in insense,
Finding truth in pain,
Finding only bloodshed,
Find no water in the rain.

American Idolatry and the "Christian" Media

So the other day I caught part of JD's favorite show "Extreme Home Makeover" and a new thought came bubbling up to the surface.

Admittedly I don't watch alot of "Christian" Television or listen to alot of "Christian" Radio... It does not intersect with my life, I find the music and the programming poorly written and executed and lacks the quality needed to be a real influence in the world. (I also won't get into the fact that it is usually of such poor quality that it is not glorifying to God... ) However, I do know that in October 2004 TBN had their own version of American Idol called "Gifted". It was sort of a whitewashed, blander, "Christian" version of the original.

So anyway, I was watching Extreme Home Makeover and realized that in many ways what they were doing was the social justice ministry that the church, in all her various manifestations, should be doing. We should be the ones seeking out persons in need and providing new homes for them, providing scholarships for children in poverty, and renovating neighborhoods. More than that, all the persons featured on the show are usually doing some kind of mercy ministries on their own at great personal cost. The church should be coming along side those persons.

Now before you respond I do know that their are many many many many Christian persons who are doing just that... rebuilding and transforming lives... However, I thought it was interesting that when it comes to making television shows... "Christian" media seems to want to be as "cool" as everyone else by emulating American Idol and not spend the time or money the same way that that they do on Extreme Home Makeover. Instead of doing that ministry that seems natural for the church- transforming lives through mercy and justice ministries- they want to create a sanitized version of our culture.

I think that in this way "Christian" media has fallen into their own American Idolatry. The idolatry of thinking they are God's Public relations firm rather than his servants called to change the world.

I'm Busy Writing Reflections

So, it's been a few weeks since I returned from Rome, and so lately, I have been writing a long document for my oblate brothers and sisters reflecting on that experience. When I have it finished, and someone shows me how, I will post it here.

So lately, I've had this poem rattling around in my head... by Robert Frost.

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

JD introduced me to this poem, and since it is fall, and the golden leaves are falling at an alarming rate, this poem has been flying around the borders of my mind. I know that Robert Frost is speaking of Spring in this poem, but still as I watch the leaves reveal their true golden nature, and then watch them fall, this poem seems almost doubly true.

Did you know that leaves are not actually green? The come in all sorts of colors that are only revealed at death. The tree stops supplying the leaves with water, scar tissue forms, photosynthesis ceases, and the leaves start to die, revealing what color they really are.

In the same way Eden (mentioned in the poem) revealed alot about the character of God. In the moments after the fall, we see violence in Adam, manipulation in Eve, and in God we see hope. He could have destroyed them, he could have punished but instead, he explains what has happened, and promises redemption. The first action of God, was to clothe them and remove part of their shame.

God reveled his character as "Eden sank to grief".

Live from Rome V - Why Church and State Separation is Such a Good idea.

Well as I mentioned yesterday today was the day that we visited Monte Cassino, the first Benedictine Monastery founded by Saint Benedict himself. It was beautifully situated on a mountain, baroque glory, marble, fountains, statues, frescoes, mosiac, and canvas... BEAUTIFUL.

Apparently, in WWII the allied troops destroyed the town of Cassino and the Monastery of Monte Cassino thinking that the monastery was keeping German troops. Everything was destroyed except the high altar, underwhich the bones of Saint Benedict and his twin sister Saint Scholastica reside. In fact, the altar was hit by a bomb... but the bomb stopped, embedded itself in the floor, and didn't go off. The only things left standing after the attack were Saint Benedict's statue, and the altar.

However, the government rebuilt the monastery according to it's original specifications which were kept in the archives in Rome. The monastery is now the property of Governmenta Italiana, not the monks. According to the tour guide: '' This is our national treasure.''

The Monks for their part, own only the liturgical appointments in the monastery (Vestments, Chalices, etc.)

When the time came for mass, it was the guard who unlocked the tabernacle so the priest could take out the reserve elements. The guard walked up and down the isles during mass to make sure people didn't have their cell phones on. The guard also served as acolyte and silenced the people by saying SHHHHHH!!!!

More than that, after mass, and after the tour, we were all sitting in the plaza and on the steps. We were tired, the weather was perfect, fountains were splashing, and we had our shoes off, we were enjoying being in our ''Mother House''. All of a sudden, the guards came through... and made everyone stand... Apparently you aren't allowed to sit! He then made everyone be completely silent rather than the quiet banter we experienced before.

So there we were... standing in the middle of the plaza... standing there completely quiet, uncomfortable and confused! You see, Benedictines are all about hospitality... the moments before the guard came we were talking about God and what we had learned, about Mass, and becoming better friends... After, we were almost afraid to be community.

I know that this guard was merely doing his job, but his ethos was vastly different from the ethos on which the Monastery was originally founded: ''All guests are to be treated as Christ''. It was then I realized what it meant for the government to own the church, and what effect that can have on Christian community. I could not imagine, if Jesus had traveled for miles and walked up a mountain, and was tired that we would make him stand and not speak. As wonderful as it all was, something is wrong in Monte Cassino.

Live From Rome IV - I am SO moving to Rome!

Oh my goodness! I am moving to Rome!!!!!!!!It is the most beautiful, gritty, real, gorgeous, fantastic, rich, city I have ever been in. Today... I stood beside the grave of Raphael, the reliquery of Saint Agnes, and stood beside the Altar of Saint Katherine of Sienna. I have seen beautiful artwork, beatiful churches, drank wine, ate good food, and tomorrow I go to the Abby at Monte Cassino... AAAAAHHH!!!! I AM SO EXCITED I HAVE TO WRITE IN CAPITAL LETTERS!

Okay now that that is over... let's talk about poverty. At the entrance to every church there is a poor or disabled person begging for alms. They are in the square... they are everywhere. Meanwhile the police take posts outside every ATM machine to protect against theives... So here is the question... Why in the center of one of the most powerful churches in the world, is noone doing anything about the theives and the poverty? Why is it that tourists are picking up the slack of feeding the hungry when the church is not?

So I need to move here with my methodist sensibilities... I need to start a mission here... or... I need to pray that someone will take on the mission here... because as much as I want to move to Rome... it is not my calling to start a mission here... however, I am going to find some missions here in Rome to contribute to...

Live From Rome III

So I got sick today... bad things were happening is about as far as I will go to describe it. The food here is great... but not in reverse. Anyway, I'm fine now except when I was sleeping off the effects of sickness earlier today I made it hard to sleep now... it is three AM here in Italy.

Tomorrow, or is it today, I am going into the city. The friend I was going to go with had to back out suddenly so I will be going with another group of folks. A poet and his wife actually. We will all be traveling into the city to see several of the sites. I hope the cappella sistina will be among them... but the wait can be as long as three hours so at this point it looks doubtful.

So here is emergency alternate plan B... I will save every red cent and and come back here again with a friend... and I will take a Michelangelo Tour of Italy... I'd go to Florence, the chapel, the Musea De Vaticano... I'll visit anything Michelangelo. Who among my many readers would like to come with me? (Please note that I am completely serious so if you say yes plan on saving up for the trip as well.)

Anyway, I've gotten some really great pictures that I will post to my blog as soon as Isaac shows me how. The food here is fantastic... I am thinking about buying an Authentic Italian Cookbook so that I can make real italian food at home... Every night we have wine with dinner... but the wine isn't very good so I usually drink water. (Before you contact the Ethos Committee please note that I have graduated and drink no more than one glass which I sip all throughout the meal. Because it is not very good wine I never have a second glass and I don't think I'll be having another glass with dinner anyway. I think I'll have to wait to have good wine at Christmas.)

Today's talks were about the mission of the Benedictine Oblate... and wouldn't you know it this is where we disagree. They talked about the importance of interreligious dialogue and how we oblates are called to have a hand in that... however, as much as I appreciate Intereligious Dialogue I would not go so far as to say other religions are right... headed toward the same truth or some such nonsense. I of course advocate respect and dialogue, but am not blind to our differences. So I guess in that way I differ from many here in the congress.

One more thing... my roomate Anthony is from Trinidad and Tabago... he is really cool! More on him later!

Live From Rome II

Well, here I am in Rome again writing to you about everything that is going on here at the Salesinium. This morning the congress discussed "Oblation as Family Communion" where we discussed how the loving family has been appointed by God to be Salvivic. That through Christ's eartly ministry, and now in the church the family can be a herald of salvation.

Beyond that, I have a friend who will be traveling into the city with me on Friday to go and see the sights... including my blessed Sistine Chapel. O Lord, let them be open!!!

Anyway, much love from Rome. Continue to pray me through friends...

Michelangelo

Live fromRome

Hey everyone, I am writing to you from Rome. While i have been away Isaac has been working on my blog. He's done a great job huh?

So here I am writing to you from Rome where even the keyboards are different. I have learned the meaning of jet lag... and am suddenly thankful for the reformation. Having a great time... but sadly, I might not be able to see the Sistine Chapel as planned.

Michael

Almost Time...

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The New Harry Potter IPod

Okay, I know I already have an IPod and that I probably don't need two but Apple just announced that they were selling a New Harry Potter Special Edition IPod with all six of the books downloaded into it... oh help me I want one I want one I want one... The back of the IPod is embossed with the Hogwarts Crest. SIGH... Now all I have to do is justify the purchase and scrounge up the money...

Hmm... I am going to Rome soon... Maybe I can sell indulgences! I'll say a prayer for you in Vatican City and you can commit the sin of your choice. Going rate: $50.00 per sin. (No COD's)

Which Saint are you?

You are Julian of Norwich! It's all about God, to
you. You're convinced that the world has a
happy ending. Everyone else is convinced that
you're a closet hippie, but you love them
anyway.


Which Saint Are You?
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Storm Paths

Charity Hospital in New Orleans saw the darkness of the human heart, as a sniper fired upon the sick fleeing the rising flood waters. The heart of darkness, the hand of the evil one, the result of sin seen both in the presence of illness and the presence of terror. Marti Gra like madness in real life, the crazed debauchery of attempted murder. The sick and innocent --as always-- the first victims.

Slowly methodically the storm of sin rages a path through the human heart as people loot and steal televisions when they have no power with which to watch them. An unknown fear as the French Quarter may never be seen again. These days we have seen the storm of sin rage a path through the human heart. Natural disaster brought out the darkness of the stained human soul.

Storms move fast and interact and there is a God whose path is dark on the wings of a storm, a different storm developing. This, stripped naked by the evil, beat bloody with the irrational, hands empty with the poverty, arms outstretched with the hungry, died with the empty... God. Gathering his people to forge a storm path of righteousness through the ravaged south.

The sound of his lightning proclaiming this is not a moment to ruminate on death and air, but to proclaim in the storms wake, the soft miracle of the spring rain.

All About My Trip to Rome

So, many of the readers of this Blog already know that on September 18-26th I will be headed to Rome to take part in a week long Oblate World Congress (www.oblatesworldcongress.com).

However for those of you who don't. I am a lay affilate (oblate) of a Methodist-Benedictine Monastery called Saint Brigid of Kildare Monastery in Minnesota. I have traveled there every summer for retreats, pray for my brother and sister oblates as well as take part in Spiritual Formation Groups.

Anyway, Benedictine Monasteries around the world were chosen by lottery to send one Oblate Delegate to this special conference in Rome. My monastery was chosen, and then they chose to send me to the conference.

I have my ticket, have started gathering together the supplies I'll need, am having my license renewed with my new address, and am preparing to leave. While I am at the conference, there is also a change that we will be given an audience with His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI.

I am however, nervous and filled with a bit of trepidation. I have never attempted international travel nor have I ever flown for 14 hours. Also, on my way home I have a 13 hour layover in London... fun huh... except for the fact that it is in the middle of the night. 8:00pm - 9:45am. Can you imagine?

I just keep thinking, I wish I had someone to go along with me... oddly enough, though I have been given an all expense paid trip to Rome... it is scary to attempt on my own.

Beneath the Surface, Something Shines

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and void, and empty darkness covered the face of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters… And God said, let there be light, and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness and he called the light day, and the darkness night. And their was evening and there was morning the first day.

We worship a God of order and light. A God who sees through darkness, through brokenness and despair, a God who creates, and restores.

Have you ever thought about the fact that the goodness of our God is known even in the darkest depths of our oceans. Far beneath the surface, in places where the water is cold and the light never reaches, even there God’s goodness is seen. There are creatures and plants even in the deepest darkest part of the earth that possess the ability to shine and glow with their own rare luminescence. Somewhere beneath the surface of our deepest oceans even there, something shines…

So too are we, mired in the dark cold depths of sin… and yet under the surface, something in who we are shines forward. Beneath the surface of our lives, something shines… the glorious truth that we were created by God, and God considered us worth dying for.

Impression - A Slam Poem

Sometimes I sit on the roof of my house and read the kind of books that get you noticed. Sometimes I go to coffee shops and peer over the words of the page and watch people, and wonder who they are, and who their friends are while I sit, hating coffee and loving blueberry scones. I wish Orange Julius would become the coffee shop of our age.

I remember reading an old tattered copy of Wuthering Heights on a plane so that people would think I was intellegent, and interesting to talk to. Sometimes I sit and look at the books on my shelves and am proud of their diversity and number. I love to go to bookstores and look through the classics section so I seem well read but I never read cookbooks in public because I have a weight problem and it makes me look bad, like the only thing i am interested in is where and how to get more food. Books have a way of making an impression, a way of telling a story about the reader and I do read.

And what I read says that I hope for a spooky supernatural kind of love like Heathcliff and Catherine and that I dream of Gatsby's Green Lights and Ash Heaps. The books I read say that I have stood on Boo Radley's front porch and looked around at a place where, "I would be but little happy if I could say how much." I have seen the Phenomenal Woman, stood in the city by the sea, wept over the desolation that I found there, and I reached far in the distance Olympian Glory that Hercules saw when his labors were done.

You see, books have a way of making an impression, a way of telling a story about the reader.

Music - A Poetic Essayish Kind of Thing

Years ago, before the Wesley's and the Gospel hymns... the church sang only the Psalter. In lilting, haunting, melodies they sang out old Hebrew woe, and exaltation. It was the kind of music that made you ache inside, and beg for more of God...

The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want... He maketh me to lie down in green pastures... He leads me beside the still waters...

Fannie Crosby, Charles Wesley, Isasc Watts brought us the wonder of hymnody, story songs that connected the lives of Christians to the stories of Scripture. They painted word images powerful in the imagination, and just a lucid as any painted image. It was the kind of music that made you ache inside, and beg for more of God...

O Sacred Head now wounded, by grief and shame bowed down... now scornfully surrounded... with thorns, thy only crown...

This only recently gave way towards a new movement of music, scaled down from the orchestration of the past, simple ideas strung together with fearless devotion. These modern Psalms of Ascent mark a new journey for Christian persons. The kind of music that makes you ache inside, and beg for more of God...

Indescribable, uncontainable, you placed the stars in the sky and you call them by name, you are amazing God! All powerful, untameable, awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim, you are are amazing God...

Sadly however, you are forced to choose one or the other. You can have only one. God's people, are simply not creative enough to imagine both a guitar, an organ, and the schola in the same room. It must be one of the other... choose you this day...

A Budded Cross

So now that I am all moved into a new parsonage. I have created a prayer room and I bought a large cross for the wall. Oddly enough in my search for this cross I came across several that I didn't really want. Then, as I was looking through several wrought iron crosses, they suddenly all fell off the wall and behind them was the perfect cross I wanted. I took it home, and put it on the wall, and it was perfect...

In my reflections on this new cross since then I have realized that it is a particularly powerful symbol for this time of life. I used to have a cross on my bookbag when I first arrived at seminary. The cross on my bookbag was called a "Budded Cross" and it actually represents Christian immaturity, the tree before it is budded.

This new cross that found me... is made up of carved twined leaves and flowers. It is more than a tree that is budded, but a tree that is growing... and I am humbled... I wonder if I want to paint it... Make it an even more living symbol... Hmmmm...

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

So, I finished it last night... all 652 pages...

It was beautiful, sweet, exciting, funny, brilliant, and terribly, terribly, sad. Truly among the best in the series. THANK YOU JK ROWLING!

I cannot say much more as I will not want to spoil the wonders for others who might wish to read. Instead, I will simply say that, part of the reason that I love the characters in these books so much is that, I realized they remind me of persons in my life.

I can't wait for the next book.

God Smack Greeting Cards - Greeting Cards from God

(Because I thought it would be a funny idea I started coming up with Greeting Cards from God. Thank you Jeana for the inspiration)

Cover -
In this time of sorrow just remember...
Inside -
It's all your own fault. How many ways do I have to say it? "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery"

Cover -
Happy Birthday
Inside-
By the way, everyone knows you are lying about your age... especially me. So stop it.

Cover -
Congratulations!
Inside-
I have never seen anyone climb the ladder as fast as you have... so... why don't you tell me how disappointed are you now that you're at the top? Maybe I can help.

Cover -
Merry Christmas!
Inside -
I'm in the manger... not the shopping mall.

Cover -
Congratulations on your Confirmation
Inside -
I guess I won't be seeing you in church anymore?

Cover -
Happy Wedding Day!
Inside -
If you spend half as much time on the marriage as you did on the wedding you'll be okay...

Cover -
Happy Forth of July!
Inside -
By the way, just so you know... I care about the other countries too...

A Rant Against the Church Corporate

Okay, so this one is a long time coming. I think if I had time I would create a conference built around the ideas that I am about to present to you. You see, I am sick to death of watching the church recreate God into a corporate image. We streamline him, we make him safe, accessable, and in many ways, the church has decided to act as his publicist, or campaign manager rather than pilgrims on an unsafe journey.

Consider for a moment the fact the people such as Joel Olsteens of the world who package God as though he were the first bright hope of self-actualization. According to his Billboards his church will help you "Release Your Inner Champion." Excuse me Joel, but last time I checked my inner champion looks out for his own perverse desires and to hell with God and everyone else. If I could do it on my own, as you so wickedly propose to our "be all you can be" culture, I would not need God to be my champion.

Look even futher however, at how we dress ourselves. In order to be cool and clever we take corporate logos and rework them with cute little christian messages for our t-shirts. In doing so, we adopt the ethos of the corporations whose symbols we are STEALING and are therefore now only on the earth to sell our religious product and make money. Our God technology that works for you is now proudly displayed to a culture that is saturated with advertising images to the point that we barely notice them anymore.

Meanwhile, Christian music, art, poetry, books, and any other form of cultural expression are sorrowfully following corporate trends. Boybands in fashion? Try the Christian Alternative. Grunge? Try the Christian alternative. It just a bit blander than the original.

Long ago artists and musicians like Bach and Michelangelo found thier own voice and spoke with it. God wanted to create something with them, not lead them copy someone else.

The church that allows itself to be tempted into the evil of the corporate businesslike, technological "Gospel Product" is in danger of losing it's soul to the powers of the world.

Widgets - I have to beat JD to the punch...

So I just had my computer updated... and let me tell you OS X Tiger is really really cool. The coolest new feature are this little devices called "Widgets!" They are little icons that give you information. I even downloaded one that will give me the song lyrics of whatever CD is in my diskdrive or whatever song I am playing on iTunes. Rock on!

This brings me to my point for the day and I think Bill Gates is not going to like me. Apple is tremendosly better than PC. It looks cooler, it has cooler features... Apple is the best computer ever.

I wish PC people knew the joy they are missing out on with their clumsy huge boxes of a computer. I mean think about it people. The very look of the computer says something about it. "Look, I'm a gray box.... A great big, hulking gray box that takes up alot of space at your desk. Aren't I boring... linear, modular, manufactured. I have no idea what style or imagination are... I am just one great big hulking calculator!"

Apples on the other hand are desinged, beautiful, portable, and livable. They practically breathe.

So PC people... turn away from your darkness and into the calm soothing light of the Apple!!!

Tin Lizzy Gift Shop - A poemling

Across the sky I see letters proclaiming
"ANGELS ANGELS ANGELS"
And I wish to myself that there would be angels around me
And that I could see them and have a conversation
And talk about God and Saints, sanctuary and pierced sides.

I wish that we laugh and sing and fly together
And that they would bless this flat vast farmland that is my hope and home.
Blessing it that I too may be blessed because from this land was I grown.

But no sooner am I lost in dreams of flatlands, blessings and curses then
The writing changes and I am suddenly pulled from my all things celestine:

"ELVIS STATUES HALF-OFF"

I guess that makes me a pastor...

In the past week I have gone from two to seventeen keys on my keychain. I have moved into a huge parsonage, and preached my first Sunday in church... I guess that means I'm a pastor.

My first Sunday went just fine... I got up at 6:00 was in church by 7:00, in my robes by eight... to serve at 9:30. I guess you might say I was a little high strung and nervous.

So I guess now I'm a pastor. Oddly enough I feel completely uncomfortable with the idea... which tells me I am ready to be a pastor.

When I began seminary back in 2001 I was completely confident. I was sure I could be a pastor with little to no trouble. Now I recognize that I cannot do my job. I am what God wants me to be... pliable in his hands, helpless, in need of his strength and wisdom to complete even the smallest of tasks. It is in this state of utter abandon that I feel like everything is going to be okay. It is like the Wesleyan Covenant Prayer in many ways... the Lord has many services to be done and I am open to them all. Whatever should happen, so long as God is my father it is all going to be alright.

Strength in the Father

So you may ask yourself... why am I up so late. The answer is because I am making the bulletin for church this upcoming Sunday and without ever having worshipped at this particular congregation; it has been quite difficult. In fact, there have been alot of unknowns lately. That is what the world is right now, one great big unknown.

However, I have something to write about that may help. You see the other day everyone in my family came over for dinner... my brother and sister in law, my nephew Seth, my sister and my nephew Logan all crowding with me around my parents table with... well my parents. As inevitably happens, the nephews were playing a game in which Logan was chasing Seth throughout the house pretending to be a monster. So convincing was he that Seth ran into the kitchen where we were all seated and jumped into his father's lap. He was scared at first but as soon as he was in his father's arms, he turned and started to do his "strong man" poses where he shows off his muscles. I laughed when I realized that Seth, safely in the arms of his father was now strong enough to encounter the monster. He was posing to show how invincible he was when he was within his father's arms. With his Dad, monsters were no longer a problem.

So now I reflect on a simple basic truth of the Gospel... which basically means that we will spend the rest of our lives trying to unpack this simple, basic idea.

In our own strength we are filled with fear and weakness incapable of overcoming anything. In our Father's strong arms... we are invincible.

The Chaplet of Divine Mercy

"There is nothing that man needs more than Divine Mercy -- that love which is benevolent, which is compassionate, which raises man above his weakness to the infinite heights of the holiness of God." -- His Holiness Pope John Paul II (June 7, 1997)

One of my favorite devotions is a prayer given to Saint Faustina called the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. It contains within it "a message that is clear and understandable for everyone. Anyone can come here, look at this image of the merciful Jesus, His Heart radiating peace, and hear the depths of his own soul what Saint Faustina heard: 'Fear nothing; I am always with you'. And if (we) respond with a sincere heart, 'Jesus I trust in you,' (we) will find comfort in all (our) anxieties and fears."

Saint Faustina had a vision of what it meant to share acts of mercy with the poor and dienfranchized. She sought to live the mercy of Christ in the world. I too, despite my own fears in this season of my life, wish to see the Divine Mercy of Christ wrought with remarkable zeal and exuberance in the world. I want the lame to walk, the blind to see, and the poor to be full of good things. So I pray tonite:

Eternal Father, you offer us the body and blood, soul and divinity, of your dearly beloved Son, in atonement for our sins. For the sake of his sorrowful passion, have mercy on us, and on the whole world. Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One have mercy on us, and one the whole world. AMEN.

"I come here to commend the concerns of the Church and of humanity to the merciful Christ. On the threshold of the third millenium, I come to entrust him once more.... "Jesus, I trust in you."

Another Day Dead and Gone

Another day dead and gone-
Much like a promise to
Be and Stand with me against the torrent
Of rain, flooding out of an already empty
Vessel on the waves charting lost courses towards
Somewhere warm and safe
When apparently safety comes in numbers
Bigger than just one ship on
Waves of the kind of loneliness that comes from
Standing alone at the end of
Another day dead and gone.

Wrote this poem tonite, I kind of like it. We'll see...

Sometimes it just has to hurt...

So one of my all time favorite movies is the move "Garden State".

The movie follows the story of Andrew a young man who had been medicated for most of his life as a result of a trauma that occurred when he was a child. As a result, his father put him on anti-depressants to the extent that for most of his life, he has been completely detached from his emotions.

The moment the movie came together for me is a moment after the medications have stopped and the feelings have started to surface, Andrew starts to cry for the first time and says: "This #&*%'en hurts." I know what you are thinking: "What horrible language!"

Look beyond it though... Doesn't it hurt sometimes... So much that normal words won't accurately convey the depth of the emotion? Sometimes, feeling the depth of who you are hurts and we live in a culture that does everything it can to avoid it.

We try to create a million distractions that keep us from recognizing how much it sucks to live in a fallen world and to experience that fallen nature in and around ourselves. We surround ourselves with televisions and movies, and games and noise noise noise, not to mention pornography, materialism, intellectual elitism all as means to numb ourselves, drug ourselves from feeling the pain of living in a fallen world.

It is however important that we do not numb ourselves to the realities of our falleness. It is only then that we can hope to realize the depth of our Father's love and mercy for us. Only by seeing the effects of fallen world not only as an abstract removed external reality, but also an internal reality as well do we realize how important the relationship with our Heavenly Father really is.

Feeling bad, though not pleasant, is a natural and important facet of sanctification. When we acknowledge the hurt that the fall has had on our lives we are then gifted with the power and grace to overcome it. Pain in this case is a very healing thing, much more than the shallow medications we use to not to feel.

The truth is, even in life with God, it sometimes just has to Hurt...

(If you don't believe me, ask the psalmist.)

Cathedral Days

I wish, that right now... I could be in a cathedral (I use the term loosely not meaning the Church of a Bishop but just a big church). A cathedral I mean, of three dimensions. A lot of people are intimidated by the massive architecture of cathedrals. I however, feel at home there. Imagine for a moment the stone and statues, stained glass and artistry. I love these kinds of big places where everything is symbolic. I find such places where the story is carved into the very stone very reassuring.

Right now however, I am on a pilgrimage between one world and another. Hanging out at my parents house before taking my first appointment. I feel naked and oddly alone in the midst of this. There are people that I talk to, even people in the same or similar situations... but they are not HERE.

So I wish I were in a Cathedral, where the wide open freedom of the space welcome me, to inhabit the story of God.